Honest Chatter about maternal mental health: my experience and how I have accessed support
I haven't been feeling myself lately - in this episode I chat about the steps I have taken to seek the mental health support I need. I also speak about small practices and rituals that I have been focusing on to help myself in this season.
- How to identify depressive, anxious or stressed symptoms in pregnancy (or postpartum)
- Accessing the GP Better outcomes Mental Health plan
- Daily practices to help my mental health
Hey Mama, I have a Sleep Guide for you! For birth to 18 months, this guide is steeped in evidence and laced with compassion. And you can download the first chapter absolutely free HERE.
Are we Insta pals? If not, why not? Come and hang out at @mamamatters.au!
As always, thanks for being here- if you enjoy this poddy I would LOVE if you could give a rating and a review. It means the world to me.
xx
TRANSCRIPT
Fiona Weaver 00:09
Hello love and welcome to the Manage chatters podcast. If you're keen to ditch all of the parenting shoulds and want to uncomplicate sleep and parenting, you are in the right place, through honest conversations with experts and each other, we will help you to cut through all of the noise and to love the heck out of your imperfect and authentic parenting. I'm Fiona, a social worker by trade. Now supporting families with sleep and parenting through my business mama matters. I'm passionate about parenting psychology, biologically normal infant sleep and infant mental health and attachment. I'm also a parent, and I am on a mission to normalize the shitshow that can be parenthood.
Fiona Weaver 00:48
I know that right now you might be trapped under a sleeping baby. Or maybe you've got your headphones in to soften the blue of the afternoon witching hour, wherever and whoever you are, I want you to know that you belong here. Now, let's have a chat
Fiona Weaver 01:10
Hello, my love's it has been a really, really long time. I took a break from the party in early December and went away with my family, we took our caravan down to South Australia for about a month, spent lots of time with my family. It was really beautiful. And it was probably a break that I so needed for work. But I'm so excited to be back because I love my job. I love being here, I really do. And I have been reflecting on how the party has been going over the last six months or so I can't remember when I released it. But few months. I don't know, I'm not good with time. But I am going to be bringing a few more solo episodes this year. So we're gonna have some shorter solo episodes that might be answering q&a from the community, it might be sharing some of my personal stories, it might be educational, it'll be lots of variety, and still keeping the big, juicy conversations I'm having with other experts and other moms because I know you love them. And I feel absolutely honored to be able to call that my job having conversations with people. So that's what the podcast is going to look like this year. And this particular podcast episode is brought to you by my sleep Guide, which I released end of last year, which has been
Fiona Weaver 02:28
it's been incredible actually, because it took me months and months and months to do this lead guide is for parents of kids zero to 18 months, I am working on another one that will speak to toddlers. Well speak to parents of toddlers. But for now, this is the foundation this is the base model for all things sleep is evidence based. It's connection centered, it is bullshit busting. It's empowering. It's got practical strategies in there. It's got truth telling it's yeah, it's amazing. And I love it. And I'm really proud of it. And I'm really, really happy that everybody is loving it too. So have a look at that. I'll link it in the show notes. But in the future, as I have been reflecting on the podcast, I am looking to sponsor this podcast, it is a really time consuming exercise. But I also really love it. So if I can support some small businesses or support any businesses in this field businesses that I believe in, who would like to sponsor an episode, then I will happily do that. Because that will allow me to then outsource editing and outsource marketing and things like that, which at the moment I'm doing all myself. And I'm not that good at it to be honest. And I think that if I can outsource it, then it will be much better quality as well. So that's where I'm at. I hope you can stick with me on that.
Fiona Weaver 03:49
But today I am going to talk to you a little bit about what has been going on for me lately and why where my mental health is at and what I am doing about it. And it's not just to talk about myself, because I'm not that obsessive myself, I'm a promise but talking about on Instagram has really helped to normalize you know these differences in in moods and the seasons where we need a little bit of help with our mental health. And if that can help somebody out there who is feeling a bit funny and doesn't know where to start with it, then I can show you the way to
Fiona Weaver 04:27
use some strategies for yourself. But also the process in which you can go down and get some cheer up some psychology support as well. So I'm going to walk you through that today.
Fiona Weaver 04:40
So if you haven't been following along for a while, if you're new here I am 20 weeks pregnant. We are having a third baby and whilst I am feeling really well in myself physically at this point, you know past the first few months, I haven't had any hyperemesis gravidarum or anything like that. I've just had the
Fiona Weaver 05:00
A normal sickness grossness in the first trimester, I feel really well now, but my nervous system and my body is telling a really different story. So I feel as I describe it, I feel like a rubber band that will snap at anytime. And whilst my thoughts are really happy, no, not over the top happy, but my thoughts are good. I'm not having any anxious or sad thoughts or feelings. But I can snap, I can snap so easily. And I am really quick to anger. I'm easily frustrated, I feel really easily overwhelmed.
Fiona Weaver 05:38
I'm pretty easily overwhelmed at the best of times, I have a bit of sensory sensitivity. But at the moment,
Fiona Weaver 05:45
if I feel a little bit stressed in myself, it's just amplified. I feel like I have a nervous energy, I'm working off a nervous energy. And as soon as something tipped me over the edge i i get mean, I get angry, I get like I just shut down. I can't, I can't cope.
Fiona Weaver 06:05
And I am 20 weeks pregnant. So I know that there are things happening inside my body, like hormones, and whatever that are obviously impacting on my mood and my ability to cope. But it just feels 10 Next. So here's what I have been doing to help myself and I am already feeling a million times better. I feel like I have reached my boiling point. I was really frustrated for a couple of weeks, I could feel it rising in my body, my the tension in my muscles and my nervous system. And then something on the weekend tipped me over. And I got angry. And then I just cried, I cried and cried and cried for probably honestly about an hour, I just cried, my husband was home. So he was there to give me a cuddle and give me space to have a cry. And I was really happy that I did because I feel like that was part of the process of letting go of some of that anger. And I make note of that, because it's the same with our kids, if they are constantly frustrated, or aggressive or angry or up against something all the time. And you could just feel that tension in their body. Sometimes they just need to have a really good cry. And helping to set a boundary for them that they can come up against and fight for a bit. And then except, and have a really good cry, sometimes that's a really good reset for them as well.
Fiona Weaver 07:31
So after my good cry, I thought this is my body's way of telling me something and I'm gonna listen to it. So what can I do to help myself during this period, I have been talking about getting an appointment with a psych for literally months because I want to link in with someone before I have this third baby, I know that adding another baby to the mix is going to be overwhelming. There's going to be more chaos, more disorganization, more noise, more jobs, less, you know, balance between me and my husband. There's so much that I want to prepare myself for and and work towards before bringing this baby into the world.
Fiona Weaver 08:10
But I hadn't made the appointment because that is just who I am. As a person I talk the talk, it takes me a long time to walk the walk. And sometimes I just need a little kick up the bum to make the damn appointment. So I started to gather some recommendations for perinatal psychologists or mental health social workers, who I might link him with whoever has availability, because it is really hard to get in with someone at the moment, which is a barrier in itself. The other thing I did was to recognize that I am not giving myself my mind much of a break at the moment, I wake up in the morning and I go straight to my emails or admin or whatever. So I wanted to start a little bit of a journaling practice, I am not an expert in journaling, despite it being one of the things that I regularly prescribed to people who I work with. But I have never really given a red hot crack for myself. So I am working on that. Now I get up before my family, which is a privilege because I know that that's not the season that we are all in. And I will be back in that season where as soon as I get out of bed, my baby wakes up. But for now I usually can get up before my kids and if they wake up, they can just watch TV while I still have some space. So I've been lighting a candle or making a coffee and doing some journaling. I'm not following any prompts. I'm just writing and seeing what comes out. And that has actually been really nice. I've been really enjoying that time and space to sort of sort my sort my thoughts out before I go on with the day. And it also lets me look at what is happening for the day. So I look at my calendar, see what clients I have booked in or what jobs I have to do. And just to sort of take a minute to plan that out loosely as well has been really nice.
Fiona Weaver 09:57
The other thing I am doing is prioritizing time outside
Fiona Weaver 10:00
I'm pretty good at this because I have a dog. And I'm her primary Walker, because I enjoy it. So I will definitely take her for a walk, you know, nine out of 10 days, but just thinking about what I can do for myself as well, like maybe I'll take her for a walk in the morning, but then maybe in the evening, I will go for a solo walk on the beach or something like that, that might bring me a little bit more joy and peace. I haven't done that yet. But I will soon. And I also want to note that when I do the journaling, most of the time, if the sun is up, I will go outside and do it there. And to have the sunshine on my face is a really great start to the day as well. I've been experimenting with a bit of breath work, which I haven't really used much before, but my husband finds it really, really
Fiona Weaver 10:49
good for his anxiety. And he has been walking me through a couple of exercises, one of them is called the physiological side, which I will link a YouTube
Fiona Weaver 11:00
clip of what that looks like. But basically, it's filling your lungs with a really, really big breath. And then taking a quick extra breath that's and then breathing out through your mouth. And doing that for five minutes or so. Listening to some relaxing music can be really regulating the nervous system. I've made an appointment with a naturopath, Georgie Stephen, who I recommend to all of my families who I work with, just to see whether there's anything out of whack my thyroid, or iron or zinc or anything that she knows more about than I do. So I'll be getting my bloods done with a couple of extra screenings that she has recommended. And then we will work through that together and see what I can do from a nutritional level to support my nervous system and my body a little bit better. I also had a little chat to my kids about when you are pregnant. So like your body has to change a lot. And that includes hormones and things like that. And sometimes, and at the moment, I'm feeling a little bit snappy. And if I do snap at you, it's not your fault. It's the way that I'm feeling. And I need to regulate myself and blah, blah, blah, just in a really developmentally and age appropriate way explaining to them just to acknowledge that mom isn't quite feeling yourself, but this is what I'm doing to help. And this has nothing to do with you. So I also jumped online and filled out a das 21, it's called and anybody can do this, you can just search das 21 and use the first one that comes up on the search. And it will give you a score of where you are sitting on the depression, anxiety and stress scale. Now this isn't a diagnose you, but it gives you a bit of an indicator as to where your symptoms are. Sometimes if you aren't familiar with all of those symptoms, then you don't really know where to put them. So for example, I did mine and I didn't have any real depressive or anxious symptoms. Although my body felt anxious all the time, it was just all in the stress category. And consciously I don't feel very stressed. I don't feel like I My life has changed much at all recently. But my body is feeling stressed. So ask lots of questions like have you felt sad or down for no reason? Or have you lacked motivation? Or have you felt worried? Or have you felt like you've been using a lot of nervous energy, lots of questions that give you a little bit of a guide as to where your symptoms are heading. And if you wanted to, you could also print this out and take it to your GP. So if you do want to access some psychology or accredited Mental Health Social Worker appointments, then you might want to go to your GP and get a mental health care plan. This will allow you to subsidize some of those appointments. So you need to book a double appointment or a long appointment. Or if you are calling on the phone to book an appointment, just let them know it's for a mental health care plan because they will need to do a double appointment. And this needs to be face to face. So I will it does at my clinic. I don't know if there are some places that would offer that via telehealth. I hope that they do. But it might also be a Medicare requirement that that is a face to face assessment. And your GP will ask you a few questions about how you have been feeling any history of mental health. Whether you have filled out a mental health care plan in the past and take you through all of that so that you can then have a written referral to a psychologist or mental health social worker or a psychiatrist to then have some of those sessions subsidized and relax reluctant to say what the current guidelines are around how many of those sessions are subsidized because it changes all the time but it might be six or 10 or you might
Fiona Weaver 15:00
Don't get sick sessions and then have to come back for a review or whatever it is different all the time. But it's also important to know that if you get a referral to a psychologist and they are not your fit, then it is okay to change the person that you're being referred to on the same mental health care plan. So a mental health care plan is valid for 12 months, or for as many sessions as you have on there, you can always go back and you don't need to book a double appointment, you could even do a telehealth and normal appointment to say, I have a mental health care plan, it's to this person, but it's not a fit. And so I would like their name change to somebody else. And they can do that no worries, this appointment was not scary, it was totally relaxed and comfortable. And it doesn't have to be something that you avoid, it's really easy to access. And it is a really good place to start. And what I have been reflecting on is that, whilst I have been feeling a bit off, I haven't really felt particularly anxious or sad. So I feel like I have the insight, I have the motivation and the resources, to be able to put a few of these strategies in place that helped me to feel better now. I also have the motivation and the resources to be able to go and access that support. If you are feeling so depressed. If you are feeling so low and unmotivated and overwhelmed, then this kind of stuff feels really hard. So I just want to make it easy for you. If you are feeling like that or are really anxious or just not yourself. Just start by booking your GP appointment that can be a telehealth appointment. If it feels too hard to get out of the house, book the appointment, talk about a mental health care plan, get a referral for a psychologist or a social worker. And just start there. When you do get the mental health care plan. They also give you a few little resources that you can access online for free, that can help tide you over. And then have a look at some of these other strategies that might work. The journaling there getting up and going into the sun first thing in the morning, that eating well the breath work, all these things can help but they're not going to address the underlying thoughts and feelings that might contribute it might be contributing to the way that you are feeling at the moment. So I never want to dismiss, you know, put a bandaid on your depression, for example, then just tell you to go for a walk because that might help but it might not actually treat the depression. So yeah, start with the GP. If anybody needs to reach out we have a perinatal Mental Health Social Worker Samantha who works for Mama matters. She does online zoom consults, she's beautiful, you can get a referral for her. She has availability. So there's always some out there and if not DGP if you are just feeling a little bit off and you want to do some of these proactive strategies, then try out a few things that I have talked about today. And I will link in the show notes, the desk 21 and any other notes from today as well. I hope this has been helpful. If you need to chat, let me know. And yeah,
Fiona Weaver 18:09
you're worth it. That's all I want to say you're worth it.
Fiona Weaver 18:13
Thank you so much for listening to mama chatters if you enjoyed this episode, let's continue the conversation on Instagram at MAMA matters.edu Be sure to share this app with your family and friends. And don't forget if you liked it, please leave a rating and review wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you again and I will see you next time.
